Spoilers don’t want to build a snowman anymore.

For the record, I knew before I watched it that this is a bad film. It doesn’t have the right to be, with an amazing cast and based on a bestseller book, but somehow it was the perfect storm of lousyness. Now, you might see a few scenes and believe that it just needs a few scenes and it will become great the next minute. It never does, and somehow I’m going to review it. Forget the scalpel, pass me the snow shovel, please.

(Credit: Universal Pictures)

The Snowman (2017) was directed by Tomas Alfredson. The script was written by Hossein Amini, Peter Straughan and/or Soren Sveistrup – not necessarily in that order, not necessarily together. The movie is based on Jo Nesbo’s international bestseller of the same name. Recovering & recurring alcoholic Detective Harry Hole (Michael Fassbender) is contacted by rookie Detective Stephanie Bratt (Rebecca Ferguson) to help solve a series of crimes perpetrated by a serial killer that leaves behind a snowman. Okey, actually I am not quite sure how but at some point it seems he’s the lead detective and she’s tagging along so I’m already in trouble here.

At the same time, alcoholic Detective Rafto (Val Kilmer) is also in this movie, but in an earlier timeline. And he apparently pursued the same serial killer a few years back and it ruined his life. Harry doesn’t know this yet, so this is another of those things that will be relevant later. Lightly. Meanwhile we learn that Harry is divorced from Rakel (Charlotte Gainsburg) but they share custody of their son. You’re probably already trying to figure up how this story will end. Yes, the movie had to rush to do that too.

Why it doesn’t work is still a bit of a puzzle. Now you can actually pick a scene and/or dialog that will make perfect sense, but it just doesn’t line up with things happening before or after. Sometimes it’s amusing, other times it’s just sort of mediocre. There’s a few other rather big castings here like JK Simmons and Chloe Sevigny that you’d expect would feature highly in the resolution and/or major twists, but don’t hold your breath. This is a mystery thriller, so we expect to have some sort of reveal or deduction – no, once the killer is unmasked, we’re going for the big climatic battle at the end.

Not recommended . Perhaps if you’re keen on watching an exercise in filmmaking with pieces that don’t fit together and still have some key ones missing. It’s not thoroughly bad, just disjointed and lacks the satisfaction of consistency and resolution. Only worth a watch as a baffling exercise, but don’t expect any intentional or unintentional entertainment.

That will do for now.