I’ve been putting up too much vids and clips lately. Time to elaborate on a few topics.
2010 has been a tumultuous year. Made new friends, lost some. Almost lost my job. Decided to avoid the whole emo guilt vibe of going home. Went out more. Exercised. Stopped exercising.
In the end, there’s a lot of lessons learned. Made better friends of my friends. I opened up more. And, believe it or not I made some cooking. Although I can count the times I’ve cooked with one hand and have fingers to spare.
I got in touch with people I never thought I would. I went to my first Fearless concert. Met Amos, Grant, Liz. I emailed T’s publicist and talked to her on the phone (her publicist, not T).
I became a citizen. Big one. HUGE one as a matter of fact. Perhaps the biggest one ever.
Tomorrow would be the day I would be traveling back to the homeland. I am not. This was a conscious decision of stopping the vicious cycles of pain and guilt I let myself subject to in the name of I’m not sure what. There’s something here about a person back home, someone I am related to, that I can’t bring myself to discuss. Every time I’ve gone, I feel like I’m going back in my little cage. I can’t do that anymore. Dad is my only remaining link to that place. I know one day I will have to make one sad trip back home to say goodbye.
Sorry I didn’t want to become morbid. I really wish I could express what eats me up about home, but I’ve known too well how other people can use information you make publicly available. Hinting at it like this, although cryptic, is cathartic enough to exorcise a few demons from my system.
Strangely enough, I could have never made the trip at all. Economically speaking, I used up my usual expense budget in entertainment. Tickets that is. Mainly one big expense that will be one vacation trip that I’ve been dreaming off next year. There’s already been one small disappointment about it but not a deal-breaker. I’m going. This used to sound incredibly selfish to me, until I realize that I’m denying myself the chance to enjoy life while I have the chance.
It’s better to burn out than to fade away.
I’ve become closer to my close friends over the last few months.
The guitar practice went up and down, and lately it’s on hiatus during the holidays. Not good.
Exercise? Well, I gotta find a different way. Couldn’t stand going to the gym anymore. But I did enjoy some bike rides and walks up the mountain. Those are also on hiatus, so again not good.
After an offer at work disappeared due to an incident that almost resulted in me getting fired, I learned a few things about myself. I’m a bit stronger than I thought. Strange that I learned that while I was at my weakest. The offer has reappeared again. And I’ve turned it down. I don’t want that.
I can’t really say that I will really open the blog with my stories in it. I started explaining this to a friend of mine in an email and discovered why. I don’t always start with the first chapter. Once I do get the story rolling, I often go back and fix previous chapters. Sometimes I go back and erase complete chapters once I discover they’re either irrelevant or utterly and completely boring. Most of the times I don’t finish the story I’m writing (BIG ONE). And finally, there’s always some major rewrite when and if I finally do finish the story. That is just not compatible with a blog format. The story I once published here worked because I had actually finish it a long time ago – and yet I did made some rewrites as a I published it again.
Then again this could be completely hogwash and I might still bring out the site.
The other site is going quite well. I just get a major kick of comments and traffic. No, no revenue. That would kill it. Thanks to that site I’ve even talked to a publicist, and been contacted by a couple of magazines. No, pretty minor stuff. None of them wanted to offer me jobs or anything, it was always some article or the website itself. I met a few of the people I wrote about. No, not T. I’m not ready for that step yet.
I have a few plans for Christmas and New Years. They’re turning pretty damn awesome 🙂
That will do for now.